Ender’s Game is possibly my favorite book of all time. Every time I read it I experience something profound, something somehow earth-shattering. It’s not about the outstanding quality of writing and character development (although those don’t hurt, either); it’s the tragedy. The story this book tells is heartbreaking; for it to have happened, even in fiction, leaves you feeling sick in your soul. But it was powerful enough to touch your soul in the first place.
The magic of those tragedies make a story stick with us, get it under our skin so we cannot forget. We seem to be drawn to things like this. Why is that?
Perhaps what is so alluring is the feeling of reckless abandon, of being overpowered by sorrow. A friend of mine once told me that sometimes she just enjoys “wallowing” in it, just allowing herself to feel the sheer force of it. This is something that I can almost understand; we so often shy away from feeling sad to keep up with the expectations of others and ourselves, so that to allow ourselves to freely experience it may be in some way liberating.
But I think it’s more than that. When I was caught up in depression in a bad way, I found a certain thought continuing to crop up in my mind: that I was choosing to be sad all the time. That all of my actions were inexplicably—but deliberately— hurtling into the depressive episodes. It felt like an addiction. Like this thing was damaging my life, but I needed a hit anyway. When we read a sad story or see a sad movie, we are safe from the events that occur. So we are safe to feel sad, so we enjoy it that much more. But, in our own lives and experiences, we are finding ways to enjoy it that are just a little more dangerous.
Why could this be? What pleasure could we find in sorrow? Perhaps It’s the power and intensity of the feeling. Perhaps an emotional low can be just as exciting as an emotional high. The chemicals surge through our brain, eliciting this incredible sensation of misery. How amazing! How enrapturing. How very, inescapably human we are, to feel this emotion that can enfold us in its long arms and carry us into that dark, forbidden place of our own minds. How incredible it is to be alive.
What do you all think? Am I totally off the mark here? Am I just weird and masochistic? Please share your thoughts and experience.
I think this sounds totally on track. Sorrow is a strong emotion, and it's easier to come by than joy, so I think people are easily addicted to the darker emotions.
ReplyDeleteI think we're attracted to it because it's something we are taught not to bring up in society. Once we're able to envision it we become curious and thrilled. It reminds me of when I was around ten and I first saw Starship Troopers for the first time; the plot didn't really mean too much, but the ultra-violence was mesmerizing.
ReplyDeleteSeeing something sad brings up the same sensation. What is this I'm looking at? How does it feel to be this way? Hegel writes about the "despair of insight". Once you find the answer to a question you've always wondered...it's not as glamorous as you originally envisioned. I think of the example of youths getting excited for war.
It always comes back to humanity's curse: the need to question and discover the world around us, only to find no answer to the most important quandaries.
But hell, at least we can talk about it.
Well said. I don't think you're off the mark at all. I relate to reading depressing books/watching depressing movies and strangely enjoying how it sticks with me forever. I, too, often wonder why we enjoy sorrow. I think it's just another extension of our capacity to experience emotion. Highs and lows, it's all part of life.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I feel biased saying that because I'm a girl. In our society it's "okay" for girls to watch/read depressing material and respond emotionally to it, but guys are considered "wimps" if they do. So I often wonder whether this enjoyment of sad material is a "girl thing" or just being human. I'm not trying to take away from anything you said, though. This was a good post. :) Just adding a thought.
I know exactly what you all mean. I have learned in my later years how fulfilling it is to feel sad at appropriate times. I tend to get my sadness in media in smaller doses, though - songs. Vienna often wonders why I like depressing songs like "Painters" by Jewel and "China" by Tori Amos and I think it's the same thing. I think we (and I actually do think this is more of a woman thing - though I know men have this capacity too, at times)love to feel intense emotion whether it's joy, sadness, anger or whatever. It's like having a good cry and then we feel better.
ReplyDeleteI think I started to understand this more at 9/11. Being in California I felt very detached from the emotion and like I wasn't really a part of the experience but needed to be. I went to the prayer session at church when others around said it was "too emotional" for them. I wanted to feel that emotion - out of respect and honor to those who had died. It was literally the least I could do. It was a very fulfilling experience.
I felt the same when my mom died. Really embracing the emotion at her funeral, and not denying it or avoiding it felt like I was really honoring her and it felt good to do that. Since then I actually like going to funerals for that same feeling and the feeling of closeness to others who loved the person who passed away.
I think you're right, Vienna that feeling sad releases some chemicals in our brains that can feel good. And, if for some reason we are having trouble feeling happiness, feeling sad can be the next best thing. Though, I also agree it can be addicting and if the balance is thrown off, that is when you need help. I'm so glad you are getting it!
I have just entered a period of my life that is startling different than any other period before. I have entered a period of my life that is ruled by happiness and peace. All growing up I was controlled by negative people and expectations for myself. This continued with college where I still was not free from constant overwhelming disappointments and toxic people.
ReplyDeleteThen I got married, graduated, and started over in a new city. My stress levels disappeared as I had an amazing husband, only supportive friends, and a stable work life. There have been a little ups and downs, but over all things have been great.
And that is where it becomes interesting. For the first six months of this period I was suffering from depression, unsettling dreams and an over whelming sense that I should be panicking or sad, but that I didn't know what to be sad about. My conclusion is that I was so use to stress and depression that getting myself to be ok not having it in my life was a trail in and of its self. I have also concluded that though you can't control how you feel, you certainly can control if you you're going to feed how you feel - including depression and happiness.
I agree with you that feeling sad/depression is probably more like an addiction than just something we experience. I believe it is good to be honest about how you're feeling, but I also believe that it is worth the work to choose happiness. I just wish it didn't take 24 years of personal experience to learn this lesson. :)
Well, I think that you hit something on the head when you mentioned that you need another "hit". In an amazing movie, "What the Bleep do We Know?" they talk about hormones. Hormones are chemicals, and it's been noted that when we feel certain 'hormones', our body becomes accustomed to it, and therefor we become addicted to our feelings. It doesn't always happen immediately, but it can happen over time. People who are sad and get addicted to it may do things to make them more sad, people who are addicted to anger, might find the littlest things to get angry about. It's perfectly possible that our personalities are just a series of addictions to certain hormones.
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