The Half-Full Glass that was Halfway Empty

Allow me to present a sort of a pickle I'm in.

I've believed for a long time that optimism is strictly more beneficial than pessimism. Assuming that you're not sacrificing realism, of course, it seems self-evident to me that we will be happier, stronger people if we try to adopt positive outlooks. Extrapolating on this view, I can see no advantage to anger, or holding grudges, or dwelling on misfortune-- what does it gain us to allow things in our lives to make us unhappy?

For this reason, I tend to argue that, given the option to stew over irritation at people we don't like, or an issue we wish we could escape, it will always be better to just let it go. Let it roll off your back-- like a duck, as my sixth grade teacher once told me.

I also believe that negativity often works as a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are convinced that things are going to go wrong, or that you're going to have a terrible day, it is much more likely to be true. Focusing on the bad in the world makes it all the more apparent, until it truly does seem that that's all there is to see.

But here's the truth. I'm also incredibly cynical. Sometimes I can't help it, it just happens. The difference is, I don't like being cynical, so being optimistic takes an effort. But this weird disparity means I'm having a hard time approaching the question analytically. Like I said, the logic of optimism seems self-evident to me. But why is it bad to be angry and cynical? After all, the world isn't always rainbows and muffins. So optimists are going to experience more disappointment as compared to pessimists. Besides, negativity doesn't actually harm us, does it? If anything, it makes us more resilient to the terrible things that will inevitably happen, because we won't be caught completely off guard when fate decides to have a laugh at us. We will have seen it coming.

But that doesn't sound right to me either! I think negativity does weaken us, but I'm not at all sure why. Optimists, help me out. What are the concrete benefits to looking on the bright side of life? Pessimists, argue with me. Is being prepared for the worst worth the cost of viewing the world as even more of a dark, miserable place than it actually is?

Some food for thought:

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
-The Buddha

"A pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events."
-Robert A Heinlein

"I was thinking that it might do some good if we robbed the cynics, and took all their food. That way, what they believe will have taken place, and we'll give it to everybody who has some faith."
-Jewel

Say Something Nice

One of the best cures for a crappy day is an unexpected compliment. True?

Just think of those absolutely dreary, miserable, I-just-want-to-go-back-to-bed days, when, out of the blue, somebody drops one of those really great, really meaningful compliments that make you grin and blush like an idiot (though that may just be me). It gives you that warm fuzzy feeling, like drinking cocoa on a wintry day, snuggled up in a soft quilt with a kitty. Warmth in a blizzard, that's what a compliment can be like.

There's something so gratifying about being recognized, especially when you had no idea that people had noticed. Like when you have that talent that you're secretly very proud of, but are too shy to brag about, and then someone says "Hey, you're really pretty great at that." Is that not just a fantastic feeling?

Things like that stick with you. Here's an example: there is a certain acquaintance of mine of whom I have always been more than a little intimidated. He ranks high on my list of people with whom I know I will never be able to compete intellectually. Then one day, a couple of years ago, this person mentioned in passing that he considered me exceptionally intelligent, and said that I was actually a role model of his.

Imagine my shock. Now that's a paradigm shift if ever there was one.

Try to think about all the times you have thoughts like that about other people. There's that person with a really flattering blouse, or truly amazing shoes. The person who has something really insightful to say, that really makes you think. There's the people you deeply admire, or people who impress you with their abilities. Stuff like this crosses our mind all day.

Now the crucial question is: how often do you voice those thoughts?

I think it might be a little taboo to be so complimentary of others. It may come across as creepy or sycophantic, and we don't want to come on too strong. Or maybe we think they wouldn't really care, so we might as well just keep it to ourselves. Or sometimes when we see something we admire about someone, we assume they have probably heard about it a thousand times before, so we don't need to say anything.

But how often is that really true for ourselves? I know that I am grateful for every single compliment I receive. I know that their decision to voice their comment was probably a complete toss-up, and I feel very lucky that they happened to decide to say something.

What I'm trying to say is that we should speak up more often. Voice the little compliments, because they might not be so little to the person you're speaking to. Voice the big ones, because the more important those comments are to you, the more important they're likely to be to the person you think them about.

Compliment strangers; those comments often mean more because you could have walked by and said nothing, but instead you thought it was important enough to let them know you noticed something great about them. Compliment your friends; it's easy to neglect those we spend a lot of time around; always let them know that you see their talents and accomplishments. Compliment your loved ones; communicating and demonstrating appreciation will make our most important relationships stronger.

For those of you who are completely disgusted by the fact that my blog post has turned into a bit of a Kumbaya circle, you can also take a cost-benefit approach. You risk very, very little by making these sorts of comments. At the worst, they're a little weirded out, and then they move on with their life. At best… well, honestly, I believe the potential gain is immeasurable.

Whatever way you look at it, it can only do good. So next time you happen to notice something cool about someone else… do them a favor, and let them know.

☺